Breakfast
The assembly room was a dull brown with twitchy fluorescent
lighting. There were twenty rows of white plastic chairs with two well-dressed
ladies facing them. The gold trim pages of a closed bible lay in the hands of
the older lady as they spoke softly. The younger women flinched when the guard
opened the doors in the back of the room. Flocks of pink-shirted teens filed in,
the girls were aggressive, snatching their seating to assert freedom. Before
you knew it, the pink criminals were all starring off into nothingness, picking
their cuticles and snickering at whispered jokes. One or two prisoners looked
to the front of the room greeting the older lady “Hey, Kat” or “hey, sister Kat”
accompanied by a wave. Waving back to the prisoners Kat smiled. Then she commented
to the younger women standing beside her, “They choose who to sit next to, and
then the row.” She stops waiting for eye contact. “But remember Jolene, God chose the speaker.”
Commanding their attention, Kat
stomps and shouts, “Thank God… thank you God… for all of you, one and all!” As she
waves her hands to include everyone in the room. The focus was on Kat. Jolene withdrew
one last time, closed her eyes and exhaled. A moment later, Kat places her arm
around Jolene then sits down in the front row.
Every prisoner was fixed on Jolene’s
first words, silence. “Can we pray?” Jolene asked as her breathing resumed, and
color returned to her face. After the prayer, she started making eye contact
and paced in front of the sea of pink. Jolene started, “I grew up Christian and
thinking I represented Jesus. He was someone my parents gave me to help me
understand the things I couldn’t on my own.” A few girls were interested, as
she carried on about family and eating disorders.
When Jolene’s sharing got painful it seemed to grab their
attention, “The clubbing was a rush, people came to me for the pills I sold.
All of it was expensive, fun, and in the moment. But God got my attention one
night in a cab ride home. I can’t even remember the guy’s name but he was
wasted and started talking about what happens when we die. Like mystic stuff,
he wouldn’t shut up. Then he laughed at me because I said I was a Christian, I
was pissed. He was acting like I said something funny, like out-of-control laughing
and elbowing me to laugh along. So, I laughed along -I didn’t know what he
meant. After about two minutes of this, that was when the vacancy in my soul
resonated hollow. The fact is, there was no actual proof of Jesus living inside
of me. I told myself I was a Christian because it’s all I ever thought I was
standing on, but that was a lie.” Jolene slowed her momentum, seeking the eyes
of the interested ones. Kat lovingly gestured to go on.
“Two days later, the bottom fell out.
I crashed my car after a night of drinking; the car was flipped on its side. My
head was wedged between the roof and the seat. I watched my blood escape,
hearing my temples pounding. I thought this was it. Amid the wreck, I fixed my
eyes on my crucifix dangling from the rearview. It had blood sprinkled on it… With
all my faith, I chose to believe that it was Jesus’ blood on the cross bleeding
and dying for my sins in that moment. I prayed to Jesus… Mercy came. So did the ambulance. Jesus
Christ sprinkled His blood on all of my past, on all of my sin, that day! All
of it.” Jolene wipes a tear from each eye, paused then continued, “He knew I
wasn’t playing with my words.”
“I put my faith in Jesus. I should have died that night, I surrendered
everything. I was determined to change if He would lead me out.” Jolene wept in
front of them. She went on with a trembling voice and panicked breaths, wobbly
in composure yet accurate with each word. She marched on in radiant detail of
her life story after the crash. “Supernatural events have taken place more
powerful than the accident. The Holy Spirit has taken me away from depending on
drugs and the approval of men/boys-whatever.”
By now the stale, juvenile meeting room was filled with an
account of knowing God by faith, a fragrant aroma to some and a stench to
others. Jolene gave God the credit for things. God made her rethink things like
modesty, flossing, and honest money. “God came into my heart, I just needed to
know I was loved no matter what, as-is, by God...” Jolene continued, “Freedom.
And girls I don’t want sex… really, I don’t even miss it ladies. ‘Cause it lied
to me! I kept on hooking up and pretending that I was cool with it, and I can
deal with the holes and chains by myself. But nah.”
“I want God’s way -not my own.” Jolene walked up to Kat and grabbed
the Bible she was holding and held it out to them. “The Truth is that I can’t
do right on my own. Maybe I’m hopeless on my own. If I get heated with a bad
thought coming on, I’ll break and recoil.” She thumbs through the Bible searching.
As she’s ruffling the pages, she continues, “It’s time to choose life by the
body, or life by the Spirit of God.” She smiles to the girls shifting her
weight back and forth from foot to foot. “Oh, here it is, ready for some
goodness? ‘For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the
Spirit is life and peace. For the
mind-set of the flesh is hostile to God because it does not submit itself to
God's law, for it is unable to do so. Those whose lives are in the flesh are
unable to please God (Rom8:6-8).’”
After a sack lunch, Jolene and Kat went up to see the boys’
floors in juvenile hall. In the elevator, Kat steadied Jolene’s hands, Jolene
confessed, “This is intense. I’ve never done this.” Kat smiled a slow, edifying
smile and held her hand. They made their way to solitary confinement; it was a dim,
cold hallway with a long wall of cell doors. As they walked by, heads would
pop-up in the small square window of each steel cell door to see who was new on
the floor.
Jolene approached the corner cell. This spikey-headed white
boy was jumping up and down uttering muted hoots and hollers, sticking out his
tongue like it was normal. As she approached, the boy kept pointing down with
crazy brown eyes. He pointed to the tiny crack between the door and the floor. All
three of them got on their knees to hear: “You, you are so hot. Finest girl
here! It’s about time a hottie came.”
Jolene flinched to retreat.
Kat grabbed Jolene before she could stand and said to the
prisoner through the crack, “Derrick right? You’re over in the east wing C-431,
with the Jones boys, little Nicky and ‘dem others. How come you never show
every week when I visit?”
Derrick replied, “I wasn’t talking to you, CHRISTIAN -KAT!”
Kat exhaled, looked at Jolene as if to say “trust me.” She
continued under the door, ”Yeah, so you think Jolene’s nice, put together well,
right-”
“I wanna, I wanna-“
Derrick blurts out.
Kat, “Stop. Just stop it Derrick. You’re in a box, inside a
cage! You think she’s beautiful on the outside, she’s even more beautiful on the inside!” Jolene smiled at the spontaneous
compliment. Kat looks at Jolene, nods,
and continues, “This is Jolene; she wants to tell you what happened to her. I
want you to listen to her. Listen good and don’t interrupt. No catcalls… Or
else she’s gonna go, ok?”
“Yeah, yeah…” Kat got up off her knees and walked to the next
door, she greeted them and got on her knees to speak. In the meantime, Jolene
told her testimony through the crack of the door, unable to see Derrick.
At about the part
where the cab ride home made her realize that no proof of Jesus could be found
in her; snickering could be heard through the crack coming from Derrick. Jolene paused, “Are you with me, you
alright?”
Derrick suppresses a cough and says, “I had that religion
down my throat too by my parents, hypocrites, like every day. Man, I hate them.
Jesus helped them, not me. I know Jesus ‘aight, I don’t want to hear it.”
Jolene scrambles for words, “Ok but, Christ paid for me
specifically. I didn’t get that growing up! It’s not about what I can do for
Him, like how I act and the stuff I say, it’s about what He did for me. It took
having a super-sized weight of sin up on me, then a car crash bleeding me out
to ask Jesus to come fill me. Don’t think you know Him because you heard of Him
over and over.”
Derrick replied. “When’s Christ gonna pay for me? I’m paying
now, it’s not Him. Look, I’m an Atheist. That means no god owns me, I laugh at
the thought of God, I flex my muscles when people talk God at me.”
Jolene waits a beat and replies, “Jesus Christ died for you,
me, everyone, every tribe, and every nation is blessed because of His death on
the cross. We have access to God because of His blood. The Bible says that it
was while we were still in sin and darkness that Jesus died for us. He doesn’t need
you to be clean, just open.”
“I’m closed like this cell.” Derrick replied.
“Derrick you don’t
have to hate God. God will take this very dark day in Juvi and use it for good,
if you have faith enough to let Him. I dare you!”
A minute of silence went by as Kat returned and knelt at
Derricks door. Jolene spoke into the crack, “Honestly Derrick” She continued,
“I’m paying too for what I’ve done. Even though I have faith that I’m forgiven
for sure by God. One day, I’m gonna have
to tell my husband-to-be why I slept around and stole his gift from our wedding
night. I didn’t wait for him... and that’s a price I will have to pay. It will
be very hard, but Christ will draw near to me in my weakness.”
“That’s some shit.” Derrick replied “These people here, this one
kid, he’s always telling me I can have the help of Jesus. Fool, he’s in jail
too. Jesus this, Jesus that. Jesus is gonna take my burdens. Man, Jesus doesn’t
make jailhouse house-calls for me.”
“I pray right now in the name of Jesus, that He might meet
you.” Jolene said with passion.
Derrick replied in honest frustration, “Where’s my miracle
car crash –whatever? How can I face the
monkey on my back –in my past? I’d rather grind my teeth and relive my sin in anger”
Derrick said.
Kat interjected, “We are watching Jesus face your battles
right now. You anger is destructive but can’t win. We believe God is fighting
for your heart right now.” Derrick pounds against the door. Kat continues, “Will
you pray a prayer asking Jesus into your heart and mind; to invite Him in your
life, to help you face your past, confess your sins and move into a new life?”
A loud exhale could be heard coming from Derrick. His life
split like a drop of water landing on the continental divide, Derrick wept. His
tears flowed into the Throne Room of God for the first time in his young life,
Jesus with jar in hand was catching them. Jolene prayed silently with them as
Kat carefully escorted Derrick into a prayer of fresh faith and submission to
Jesus Christ. Of his own volition he asked for a new relationship with Jesus,
he kept saying “Teach me to forgive, teach me Jesus to forgive, I want to
forgive. O forgive me”
Derrick claimed Jesus’ payment in full on the cross as his own
deserving punishment for sin. Jolene twisted to sit against the door, she had a
tear of joy appear as she listened quietly knowing this was a “God thing” that
she was in attendance of.
Dinner
A cup of coffee revived Kat and gave Jolene a chance to
debrief what had just happened. Kat was prepping Jolene for the last phase of
her day, Bible study. She encouraged Jolene to just sit in the back, rest, and
observe the kids interacting with God’s Word.
“We’re going to saint cell block,”
Kat said, leaving Jolene a bit puzzled. “Every once in great while,” Kat
continues, “Unbeknownst to the legal powers that be, the room assignments will
produce a cell block of kids who by God’s grace, show His favor. And God’s
favor is felt.”
“I don’t get it.” Jolene replied, “What do you mean. Like are
they Christians?”
“I would say yes. Or they’re ripe, Or its good peer pressure…
but honestly, it’s probably because they have a small army praying for them
outside these walls. Tell me what you observe; one thing’s for sure, almost all
these kids join me for the Bible study.”
As they entered the seemingly sanctified cell block, word
spread that sister Kat was in the house. The children collected all the chairs
from in front of the TV and placed them around the long meeting table in the
main room. The kids filled up the table leaving one spot for Kat. Delighted,
Kat sat down, unaware that her guest was the only person left standing. Not
knowing where to sit, Jolene scanned the cell block and sees someone at the TV
with his legs sprawled on the last extra chair in the cell block. Kat sees what’s
going on, and points to one of the boys to fetch that chair.
“I got it Kat. Just bring’em the Good News!” Jolene blurts as
she walks over to this young African American, barely watching professional
bowling. Feeling beside herself, Jolene asks, “He gets a strike every time it’s
His turn to bowl, the end.” Then looking at the boy she adds “Hey you wanna
join us? We’re talking about Jesus.”
“What? Look I don’t want nothing to do with praying; I’m just
burnt out.” The young man said as he frees up the chair and carefully places
his leg on the ground. “Take the chair, ok. Just leave me be. I quit on this
Bible time.”
Jolene takes the chair and walks away. Right at the edge of
the glass wall she retreats back to him, dragging the chair behind her. “Look, I’m sorry, can I just find out what’s
going on with you so I can pray for you? I want to care… all those other kids
are with Kat. So what’s up?”
“I preach to these kids. You feel me.” The boy fired back “I
open the Word of God for them, me.”
“Ok.” Jolene, a bit uneasy, looks over at Kat through the
glass. Kat gestures for Jolene to return, but she stays with the boy in the TV
room. “So what’s up? Why are you in this mess if you’re anointed by God?”
“Just ‘cause I’m preachin’ doesn’t mean I’m walkin’.” He says
defensively as he straightens up in his chair.
Looking him square in the eyes Jolene replies, “I’m sorry,
what’s your name?”
“Marcus Jones.” The
boy said.
“How can I pray for you, Marcus?” Jolene sincerely asked.
“Prayer?” Marcus replied sarcastically. “To Jesus? We need a
touch back from Him. What you don’t know is that prayer is my problem. Aight?”
Jolene interrogates
him further, “So, you have a personal relationship with Christ, but you’re in
Juvi and you are a preacher? You’re frustrated with prayer. Am I getting it?”
Marcus replied, “You’re not my doctor; I’m not your problem-”
“You’re my brother! You know, since we are united in Jesus.”
She protested.
Marcus removes his fingers from his mouth, looks her in the
face for the first time, and collects himself, “I’m a mad believer. Not ‘cause
I’m in here. I stopped praying because God can’t hear me. I’m so frustrated
with unanswered prayer. See, I’m
blessed. Everyone can tell. There are times I prayed for miracles! And God gave
them to me, to bless His name. I had access to power through prayer.
Blessed!”
Jolene waits in silence, trying not to look nervous and gives
him a nod to encourage him to continue. Marcus continues, “Every day since last
month, I’d be on my knees morning, noon, and night for this kid in our cell block
who was always up in my face, hating on Jesus and the Scriptures. When I’d say
my prayers he’d come up behind me and talk all crazy, man I’d even be praying
for him while he’s taunting me. I’d pray ‘Lord break him. He thinks he hates
you, he hates me because of you, show him your Truth now… Or at least keep me
around him so you can use me to bless him.’ That was my prayer, my plea, for my
enemy on the regular.”
“Was his time up?” Jolene asked. “Where is he? What happened?”
Marcus dejectedly said, “Worse, he’s in isolation because of
me. The other day, I was telling him that Jesus was the only way to the Father and he’ll go anywhere except heaven without Jesus.
Then he took a chair and smashed my knee up. I thought God was using me every
day for the last month. I prayed that he would be kept around me! Now that fool
is gone. I’ll never see him again. I talked with him, you know, for his soul to
surface, it was a no show.”
Blood pumped from Jolene’s heart escorting this thought from her
brain to her mouth, “This kid, you’ve been a witness to… is he a white guy?”
Marcus nods. “Spikey hair?”
“Yup.” Marcus replies as Jolene drops her face into her palms
as she weeps sweet tears.
From that curled position in her chair she asks, “Is his name
Derrick?”
“Yeah.” Marcus confusingly replies. “He’s the atheist dude.”
“I’m pretty sure God has answered your prayers Marcus.”
Jolene says humbled. She exhales, sits back up wiping the tears away. “I shared
my testimony with him like an hour ago. Then Kat asked Derrick if he wanted to
receive and follow Christ. She walked him through a heartfelt sinner’s prayer as
I prayed silently along for Derrick”
Marcus confesses, “like an hour ago Derrick was on my heart,
I knew I should have prayed for him then.” A moment of ironic realization overcame
him. “I didn’t.”
Jolene, “God is sovereign; He chooses the right time for His
Truth to penetrate us.”
Kat interrupts, “He is a God who saves. The angels are rejoicing in heaven!” Marcus reaches out to Kat and weeps in surrender.
