Eventually it became easy to be
honest with Him even when I knew He would not approve. My best friend helped me
understand where my Father was coming from and that was just what I needed to
hear. When needs surfaced, my Father would introduce me to just the right
person at just the right time to help me. You see, growing up fatherless I had almost
never set foot in a hardware or auto parts store. And now at 28 years of age my
Father would send His highly trained experts to do the job with me and teach me
how to do it all for free. I’ve replaced toilets, doors, flooring, brakes, radiators,
the list goes on! He taught me so much through his people that now I am an
extension if His graciousness to others.
It didn’t stop there, my personal adult
beliefs that made my life turn out as constantly rebellious, self-centered,
going in any direction the wind blows now was being challenged by my Father. It
would have been knee-jerk of me to tell my Father off, but instead I listened
and read. I had no more excuses. This Father of mine offered me absolute truth,
encouragement to change without puffing me up, and He explained the world
around me soberly. Like a coach my Father equipped me to rethink and change.
What patience He has in dealing with me.
Father showed me where I was misled
for years, for example “Life is what you make it” got replaced with my Father
telling me that He has a plan for my life and more specifically, He has work
prepared for me to do. My entire career was on the foundation of “follow your
heart, let your loves lead you”, well my Father suggested that my heart was
wicked and deceitful a horrible thing to build your life on and let lead unbridled.
As an artist I chose the plunge into “self-discovery, embracing temptations,
and “sins” as part of who I am and to not apologize.” My Father sat me down and
said that I need to give sin up. That new life in the Spirit was about denying
oneself, grieving my personal sin, and doing all I can to kill it. These were
some huge paradigm shifts that He challenged me with, but He promised that my
best friend would walk with me through each sin struggle. They were not going
to leave me alone, this is family!
Finally, I had a Father that spoke into
my life; yet wise enough to let me make the changes and ask for His help. As
the years of being adopted went by, I loved the promises He made me. I love trusting
Him more and more. My Father reshaped foundational things like forgiveness, and
thinking of others as more highly than myself. Father placed priorities before
me like purity and humility which were never on my radar before. Really though
the chewy-chocolatey center between my Father and I is love. Not just the woo
or the gushy love. Not just the gift giving or going out to eat love. Not just
the joint adventure or up-all-night-talking love. But rather our love is the
obeying, trusting, and sacrificing kind of love. In each moment unfailing love.
One day I opened up to my adopted Father
about how my father had died and the pain I carried as a child and youth. “My earthly
father died when I was two in an avalanche on Thanksgiving Day.” My adopted
Father was full of sorrow and greatly interested in listening. “I always asked
myself if my mountain man father thought I was good enough to be his son? Even
if I never climbed all those peaks or followed in his footsteps as a dental
technician. My aunts, uncles and mother would share larger-than-life stories to
immortalize my Swiss dad as terrific and unique to the world, which I’m sure he
was. His attitude to everyone’s recollection, without exception was super
positive and helpful.” I made eye contact and continued: “Oh, how I thought I
fell short of those things my father encapsulated regularly.”
“Even though I didn’t have a single
memory of my dad, growing up.” I continued, “I felt that God, like my dad
expected more from me than I could give and that something wrong if I am less
than happy all the time.”
This made my adopted Father weep and
hug me. “You are a trophy of grace, what immense hardship you faced in losing
your father.” He paused to make sure I was looking at Him in the eye. “When I look
at my Son, I am only well pleased. I am certain your birth father would say the
same of you if he could. Will you allow me to say it?” I nodded. My Father said: “I love you and I am pleased with
you.”
